his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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