I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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