I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
