So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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