but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
