can u get pink eye on your cock?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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