so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
