if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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