please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
