CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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