he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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