Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So. Much. Porn.
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