went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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