the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
