i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
