he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
