I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
