So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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