Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
