Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
