i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
