You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
