well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
don't judge my taste in strippers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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