I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sarcasm needs its own font
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
