you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
