Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
