Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
