How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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