6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
