He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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