I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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