I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
