It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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