I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him