I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.