I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.