I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
