Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
