I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
