Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
