If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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