Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
