You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
