u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
