Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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