i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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