how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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