I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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