I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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