the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
