i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
