she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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