i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
