you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
