our cab driver is having phone sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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