I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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