I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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