this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
