Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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