i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
