I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
