On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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