sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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