no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
