It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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