You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
