I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize