either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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