im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
